Ep. 3: Handling Corruption Enactments [Ask Freudina]
How to Identify and Deal with Boundary Violations
Discussing personal boundaries in relationships can feel a bit like that first pre-Summer wax strip, and often takes more than a reluctant countdown from three to get started. After all, setting boundaries and addressing important issues in your relationships can be a prickly business. Even acknowledging the existence of certain labels, boundaries, and instances of corruption within our relationships is a fragile ordeal for many of us, let alone managing the fallout when these boundaries are challenged or broken.
Unfortunately, smooth, hairless skin is little help when you’re busy preparing for that all-important boundary-setting conversation. There’s no getting around it – this can be a serious challenge for even the most emotionally intelligent amongst us.
In this week’s episode, we get into the nitty-gritty details of enactments and the process of flipping scripts to address them, with a particular focus on corruption enactments.
The majority of our talk revolves around our three callers, all of whom have experienced issues with corruption enactments and struggled with setting, maintaining or knocking down the boundaries in their personal relationships.
One caller is a divorced father seeking advice on his relationship with his estranged son. He is unsure of the best way to approach his son’s romantic and sexual encounters, particularly when the discussion becomes entangled with his own feelings of guilt and interpretation of morality.
Another caller is a pastor experiencing an uncomfortable relationship with one of his parishioners. This particular parishioner has made some remarks which backed the pastor into a corner, leaving him uncertain of how to respond.
Our final caller is a graphic design student experiencing a confusing relationship with her professor. Although everything would seem to be above board, their relationship is a few shades warmer than the average teacher-student bond, and it has begun to breed a sense of unease for the student.
Tune in and gain insight on:
- The enforcer paradigm and what it means for parents, teachers, and others in positions of authority
- What corruption enactments look like in high-pressure roles and settings
- How certain expectations, pressures, and feelings of attachment can lead to boundaries being overlooked
- The importance of “naming the problem” – acknowledging and addressing similar enactment patterns in order to be free from them
- How to use your gut feeling as a reliable indicator of right and wrong
Is the way we treat each other in line with our roles in one another’s lives?
Is it right to be uncomfortable about my situation despite the fact that nothing “terrible” is happening?
Why does acting friendly feel wrong with this particular person?
If you find yourself asking similar questions, then this episode is sure to shed some light on your situation. Check it out below!
Curious about the more technical terms? Dive into this week’s Shrink Think Bonus Episode!
Here, we take a step back and discuss the theoretical terms and ideas surrounding our main episode. We talk about how the right boundaries help us to indulge in fun and spontaneity without compromising on the feeling of safety, and take a deeper dive into the enactments we covered with our callers. This ties all our insights together into one neat conversation, so don’t miss it!
A Quote to Remember
“Don’t wait for something excessive. It’s the time to attend to things, and your inner voice is a very good measure of what this is. You don’t need facts on the grounds… your internal experience of it is really quite enough.” – Dr. Alison Feit
Does this episode resonate with you?
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About the Author
I am a Harvard and Yale trained psychologist who has worked with clients around the world to help them find well-being, mentored executives and entrepreneurs, mediated business disputes, and done lots of writing and teaching.
Here are a few things you should know about the way I work…
- I believe in reducing pain as quickly as possible! Psychological symptoms, such as anxiety and depression, are simply terrible to live with and my first goal is to help you find immediate relief.
- -I believe symptoms also convey important information about each person’s innermost desires, pains, and histories. Through understanding your hidden conflicts, internal struggles clear up and symptoms resolve.
- As you may have noticed, I take serious problems seriously - but I always make room to inject humor into a situation. (Good thing I went into psychology - otherwise I’d probably still be trying to make it in improv theater!)